Can I cry, again?

"AI LI – you obviously need to rebuild your team around you"

I'll be damned if I don't already know that. Seriously.

I knew that since.. before Heng left, since I first knew that Heng was going off, since we first joined the squad. Like, of course I am aware of what I need to get done but bombarding my inbox and telling me what I need to do is not going to solve my problems neither is it helping...

It's not as easy as it looks. I am not complaining or maybe I am, but almost every minute of today has been spent thinking of what I should do. All I asked for was a break, to let me think things through.

I'm upset that things are so fucking messed up and unfortunately or fortunately so, I don't think it's any of our fault. Why must politics always get the upper hand?! Why must I end up taking all these shit when we were the ones who earned what we have today?!

No, I refuse to give in because I love what I do but this is a bit too much. Too much for me to handle in a day.

We're not your toys, we're not a bunch of youths whom you can instruct us around just as you wish, we're not stupid either. As much as I appreciate what has been done for us in the past, this is just.. not right.

* Dzof, you are probably reading this and you are probably gonna call me to talk about it. I can tell you here that I sincerely do not wish to talk about it and you can forget about even sending me a message because it will only freaking piss me off.

So, please, if you may, just leave whatever that is here to be here.

I know the emails were not sent to me to cause such a response. I know. Trust me. But, I am just tired and... angry. I am doing my best, I am, but it isn't easy. Just don't push me.

This is the second time in 2 days that my tear glands lost control over themselves. Maybe I need a shoulder to cry on. Maybe.

But I'll be alright, I know I will.