It's 2024 and I'm Thinking of Making A Comeback!

 Is anyone still there?

Three, Four, Five and I Lost Count

New and recent little pleasures:

1. Fresh toast in the morning
2. Receiving that good morning text 
3. Going to bed and feeling contented
4. Getting in touch with long lost friends
5. Having milk in the fridge
6. A good workout
7. Having a routine
8. Having someone to get mad at but still love and miss
9. Sunsets
10. Opening the windows in the morning and allowing fresh breeze into the room
11. 10-min yoga session every morning to get started with the day
12. Staring at my photo wall

I hope everyone finds their own little pleasures too!

A Letter To My 31 Year Old Self

I've been wanting to write this and dedicate it to myself on my 31st birthday, but kept putting it off because I was either in too good a mood, or too foul a mood, or too occupied or just plain lazy and never got to it in time.

So, 2 weeks late, in an ambivalent mood, still feeling lazy, but finally deciding to just do it.

Being in my thirties is not much different from being in my twenties. With the exception that my metabolic rate has definitely slowed down, responsibilities have grown, financial commitments have increased.

Do I know how to get by life any better than 10 years ago - I doubt. Have I made more friends? Well, yes, but I've lost some too over the years for various reasons and learning to let go is one thing that has improved with age.

Am I getting better at being a better person? Well, I try. It's a daily effort and very trying and tiring. Some days I feel like a winner when I tuck myself into bed. Some days, I feel the opposite and that's why I finally settled on writing this now so that when I read this many years later, or a day later, hopefully I remember this feeling and have leveled up by then.

I've been having some relatively stressful days in the office, and that takes a toll on my mental well being. Evidently I'm still not very good at regulating emotions and keeping work separate from personal life. But honestly, who is able to draw a neat line between the two?

People are selfish. People are entitled. People can be mean and unkind. That's reality. But perhaps, we feel that way about others because we too fail to see where they are coming from.

Of course, some people are a lost cause. This category of humans can be struck off and really don't let them bother you because they're not worth it.

Some people may actually have a good reason behind their behaviour or actions. It's for us to choose whether or not we want to step into their shoes and see their point of view.

Some times, explaining yourself may be the best way. And if that solves nothing too, life goes on and well, better next time.

You see girl, life happens. It's been going on for 31 years for you and it likely will go on for awhile more. Like it or not, everything is a choice. So don't bitch about life, don't lament others, and don't be bitter.

Life is better when happy anyway.. May your 31st year be joy filled, adventured filled, and overflowing with kindness.

Happy belated birthday dear self! #love

All This

What for?

How Many People Does It Take To Fix A Printer?

4 apparently.

This story was from the last work week. Colleague A jammed the printer and sought help from Colleague B. And on my way back to my desk from the loo, I stopped to help too because Colleague A was wearing a dress, and I, conveniently was wearing pants that day.

So Colleague B sorted out the paper jam and was trying to put the tray back, and that's where I came into the picture. Together, we tried to fit the tray back in for the longest time, but struggled.

Then along came Colleague C who, a bit of a back story, is the type of aunty colleague who would rather suffer the cold than turn off the air-conditioning for fear that the rest in the office would feel hot.

She came by and said, "Why don't you guys remove the paper from the tray first so it's not so heavy?" Brilliant advice.

The tray was lighter by now, but we still couldn't slot it back into the printer.

So Colleague A who had come back to assist suggested, "I think you can try tilting the tray from top in, maybe it'll fit that way." And it did!

And why I feel this story is worth sharing? Because certainly it didn't require 4 people to fix a paper jam. But it worked. And surely, we could've thought to remove the paper from the tray first so that the burden is lighter, but we didn't.

I was reminded that sometimes in life, we are so blinded by what's ahead of us, that we genuinely don't see what else is there.

And also from this episode, the advice came from someone we least expected. Which again reminds me that we should never underestimate anyone or downplay the efforts of others.

***

I'm having a slight headache now, I am not too sure if it's from beer o'clock, or the exertion of pulling Optis up the ramp - yes, that's just about how unfit I am these days, or just overall fatigue and dehydration.

Actually, it could be a combination of all that.

Also, I started coughing all of sudden, tried drinking some warm tea, it has helped a little, and I really cannot afford to fall sick now, but if I do, I totally jinxed myself.

I shared it as a joke in a conversation yesterday, "What if I fall sick now and become useless in the coming weekend regatta?"

Be careful for what you wish for.

***

Things I am obsessed with lately:

1. Hillsong Worship on Spotify. I was in my colleagues car headed to a meeting the other day and Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace) was playing.
2. Compression socks. Which I wear to sleep. Maybe it's psychological, but my feet don't ache the next day no matter how achy it was the night before.
3. Shopee. But I only mostly browse. I bought toilet paper the other day because free shipping.
4. YouTube. Because it's such a brainless yet therapeutic activity.
5. Cleaning the floor of my room. Also therapeutic much.
6. Switching on my Muji diffuser with either Geranium or the Muji Relax oils. Makes me feel relaxed and rested.
7. Not waking up when my alarm goes off..

Which calls for bed time, but first, I'd need to clear my laundry that's occupying my bed space. Night!

What Do I Do At Home All The Time?

So, I spend a lot of my 宅女 days just watching random YouTubes because my new place has awesome WiFi!

Usually I'd watch dramas, but there's nothing I really want to follow these days..

So, the random videos I've been watching in no particular order.

子时当归

Her videos are aesthetically pleasing. In my opinion. Those gourmet make at home meals make me want to aspire to try harder, but then I go, my cup noodles are so comforting too. It's fine.

The North Face

Sweaty palms. And that guy be new level cray. Seriously. Same dude who free solo(ed) El Capitan, watch here. 

A Ballerina’s Entire Routine, From Waking Up to Showtime | Work It | Allure

Mhmm, yup.

Rejection & Failure

I don't take to losing, rejection and failure well.

Never did and it's still a hard pill for me to swallow at thirty.

But, life does have the tendency to teach you lessons one way or another.

I often doubt that I'm a good person. But at almost the same time, I don't think I am a terrible person. Maybe I'm just somewhere there in the middle.

And while being in the middle doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing, it's kind of like, you're not succeeding, but you're not failing either. You're kind of not losing, but not winning either. You're kind of being rejected, but being accepted all the same.

Why is state such a confusing state to be in. Being stuck in a rut, and not knowing the correct way out.

What Is Kaya Toast Without Butter

My Kopitiam breakfast set came without the butter. Otherwise, it may have just as well been perfect.

Your surroundings shapes what you become.

I never used to break my own soft-boiled egg. But I do now.

Tomorrow is the day of the big move. Packing continues today. Perhaps after the move, with the promise of stronger wifi at home, and lesser hours spent on the commute, I will write more often. I do love writing after all. I realised.

I love it when I select a random playlist and I hear that one song that I instantly heart.

Way Back Home - SHAUN (feat. Conor Maynard) [Sam Feldt Edit] 

It's like I'm dancing among the clouds. What a feeling!

Only One Winner

Doesn't matter how hard you try. And what effort you make. And the things you do. Nothing counts anyway.

Ultimately, only one person emerges as the winner, and it'll never be me.

Every Now & Then: Trust

The higher up you get, the more you need to trust. Trust yourself to continue to do the right thing despite the pressure and expectations. Trust others that they too would do the right thing. And just trust in that trust.

So much of trusting business going around.

I don’t know if I am capable of that just yet.

Having worked 8 years of my life thus far, all my roles have been relatively easy come to think of it. Considering the fact that I was mostly in charge of just me, myself and I, and of course the work that I was tasked to complete.

It’s kind of – you just do what you got to do, do it well, deliver results and enjoy the process while you can. And repeat.

And it’s only recently that I have started to observe what it is like to be a boss. Or a superior.

When the story is no longer about just you. But larger than you. When for a fact, there is no way you can know every minute detail of how things are done. Where things are kept. Who does what and you just got to believe and trust that the people given their roles will do what is needed of them.

And not just that, but if you have tension among the team, disharmony (which has to be common), or underperforming but good intentions folks, what do you do? Turning a blind eye is not an option, but trying to resolve every conflict is just bound to tire you out and what happens to real work then? Who fixes those problems?

Evil, lazy and opportunistic bastards should just be fired. Definitely. But what if the evil, lazy and opportunistic fox actually is capable of work, but is a moral and emotional threat to the cohort? What then?

It’s at this precise moment where you probably find yourself walking the fine line of doing the right thing. What is the right thing?

I’m just glad I’m not there in life yet. Worry when it is my turn, then again, worry is for fools. I ain’t no fool.

I’m just tired from the day. Every now and then, I just get home so tired, for no apparent reason. And I just want to crash.

At least today I managed some coherent thoughts.

Let's go, updates!

If you're an avid follower, you'd remember there was a time I insisted that the more I blog, the more stressed I am. It still rings true today.

Not that I'm stressed today, I just kinda remembered the need to update.

I just had a cream cheese sandwich = two slices of bread, and cream cheese spread. I didn't even toast my bread. Too hungry for that. Plus I already had FOUR slices of toast this morning. These hunger pangs, not funny.

I super love my manicure and pedicure colors. Just looking at them makes me so so happy.

My plan to move home is no longer on track. The landlord-not-to-be pulled a fast one on us. I'm still peeved but I'm reminded to live and let live.

I've heard so much about Lion King / seen so many friends post about Lion King online that despite not being able to find anyone to go with me, I've bought tickets to go watch it alone this weekend. #foreveralone #levelup If I can go at this on my end, I reckon I'm set for life.

Do you sometimes wonder if you smell bad, or that something weird is on your face when nobody chooses to take the seat next to you on a crowded bus / train? Is it just me?

I am gonna challenge myself to keep my hair super long this time and get it some wavy perms once the length is right.

Today, for the first time, I was wondering to myself, "What would I be doing right now if I were still living & working in KL?"

I really didn't have anything in mind when I started this, but updates you got! :)

Though Tears Are Not Free

Those with more to prove, 

Always have more to lose.

Because we put in that much more heart, 

That much more effort, 

That much more care. 

And therefore, 

We are the first to bleed, 

Get hurt the worst, and cry the most. 

Toasty Toaster

Hello, today I'll be sharing with you about my latest online purchase from Shopee - a pretty pretty pastel mint toaster from Odette!

So, I did mention that I'll be moving to a new place in the next couple of months, and one of the things I was really looking forward to doing was to buy a toaster and have toasted bread. Really.

If you live alone, you'll probably understand the frustration (and pain) of buying a loaf of bread and force feeding yourself to finish the loaf before it expires. At times like that, I wished I had a toaster so that I could have a wider variety for eating bread.

You'd ask why couldn't I do it before? Well, mostly because I wasn't bothered to ask my landlords if I could bring in a toaster - I kind of just assumed they wouldn't welcome the idea. But I could be wrong.

Anyway though! Too late for that, I did buy a toaster, and I bought it now because this particular one was on sale, and it was love at first sight. Watch on!

.

.

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And my toasted bread turned out great, but I don't know why I can't upload photos right now, very strange, but I'll try again tomorrow.

Ultra happy! :D

Are You Happy?

Am I happy? Affirmative.

Woke up today feeling chirpy. And 2 hours later, I still am feeling quite elated. No apparent reason though. I just feel happy. Life has been kind.

On to some thoughts of the day.

My kpop/ kdrama crush has enlisted - Yoon Doo-joon. Read an article about why he's so loved by fans and his own band members, and my hope is that, I too will be a leader like that. Bring people up, and rise together. Be humble and kind.

Ultimately, no one person is perfect, but while we're at life, we've got to give it our best shot. And truly, that is all one can ask for.

I want to figure out a style that I am comfortable with, and get past the experimental stage. Something that fits.

​Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

#positivevibes

Time

Mhmm. Hola!

I've been away for a while haven't I?

Thought it was good time to come back and start penning down my daily thoughts and experiences as a form of stress relieve, at the same time keeping a journal, and sharing. Sort of like an all in one kind of thing.

Today, a regular thought popped up, it's mostly rhetorical and not for arguments sake.

Why do we always compare to others and fail to see what we are already blessed with?

The next time I catch myself comparing myself to others, I'll remind myself of this day.

I'll be back!

How Great Is Our God

How Great Is Our God [World Version] -  Chris Tomlin

It's easy for us to feel protected and safe when the environment promotes it, when the people around us provide such comfort.

But more often than not, and every now and then, we waver - I waver.

Insecure of my choices, insecure of my doings, insecure of my being.

But I'm reminded today that God is great, no matter time or place.

Good Habits, Bad Habits

Some can be really bad for you.

I, Me, My, Mine

Someone brought up today that I always refer to things by exclaiming that "It's mine", "I....", "My...", which makes others think that I am trying to show off, or that I am being cocky - trying to set myself above others.

I thought about it, agreed with the assessment and rationalised that, "Yes, I shouldn't keep using I, Me, My, Mine's in my conversations, whether casually or professionally." After all, it's not (always) about me.

But another part of me knows that I make a lot of reference to myself because I have a strong sense of ownership towards the things I do, and that I can only represent myself and not others.

So, is it really that bad for me to keep sprouting I, Me, My, Mine's  as I go on with life?

I don't know. I am not sure anymore.

Life Lessons

I had an interesting and insightful dinner with a good friend - good in this sense is to describe this friend of mine who really has a good and kind heart.

1. Have an "off switch" - Know when to switch off.

2. Remember your "angry cup" - Know when your angry cup is mid filled and walk away from the situation before your cup overflows.

3. Always admit (or at least reflect) on your own fault first. In other words, always be humble and don't allow your ego and emotions to get the better of you.

I find myself in the position of having to accommodate others, and I don't like it. But I guess that's what you do for family.

Reminder to self: Family before self.

You'll Always Wish For Something Different

I wish that is where I am right now. Hot chocolate on standby, reading a book, and it's snowing outside.

But at that time, I was probably wishing to be somewhere warm, with a nice cushioned chair so that my bum wouldn't be so cold and sore.

The funny thing about life - we often wish to be where we are not.