下雨了

How can I love the heartbreak, you're the one I love - AKMU

Way Back Home - SHAUN

Mood | Old Friends

Old Friends - Jasmine Thompson

People who matter don't mind

They don't need all of my time

Somebody told me to light up every room

Make them remember you

But nobody here knows what I'm going through

No, they never do

I miss my old friends

'Cause they know when I need them the most

I made some new friends and they're cool friends

But they don't know

What I do, what I got, who I am and who I'm not

I miss my old friends

I miss my old friends

I miss the good times we had

Now I don't know who's got my back

And somebody told me to light up every room (to light up)

Make them remember you (I don't remember you)

But nobody here knows what I'm going through

No, they never do

I miss my old friends

'Cause they know when I need them the most

I made some new friends and they're cool friends

But they don't know

What I do, what I got, who I am and who I'm not

I miss my old friends

I miss my old friends

I miss my old friends

Hey now, hey now

I know everybody changes

Hey now, hey now

I just want familiar faces

Oh, hey now, hey now

Growing up can be amazing

But it can even break your heart

I miss my old friends

When I need them the most

I miss my old friends

I miss my old friends

'Cause they know when I need them the most

I made some new friends and they're cool friends

But they don't know

What I do, what I got, who I am and who I'm not

I miss my old friends, I miss my

I miss my old friends (I miss my old friends, my old friends I miss)

What I do, what I got, who I am and who I'm not

I miss my old friends

I miss my old friends

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Johan Jens Erik Carlsson / Meghan Trainor / Ross Jacob Golan

Old Friends lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Downtown Music Publishing

A Letter To My 31 Year Old Self

I've been wanting to write this and dedicate it to myself on my 31st birthday, but kept putting it off because I was either in too good a mood, or too foul a mood, or too occupied or just plain lazy and never got to it in time.

So, 2 weeks late, in an ambivalent mood, still feeling lazy, but finally deciding to just do it.

Being in my thirties is not much different from being in my twenties. With the exception that my metabolic rate has definitely slowed down, responsibilities have grown, financial commitments have increased.

Do I know how to get by life any better than 10 years ago - I doubt. Have I made more friends? Well, yes, but I've lost some too over the years for various reasons and learning to let go is one thing that has improved with age.

Am I getting better at being a better person? Well, I try. It's a daily effort and very trying and tiring. Some days I feel like a winner when I tuck myself into bed. Some days, I feel the opposite and that's why I finally settled on writing this now so that when I read this many years later, or a day later, hopefully I remember this feeling and have leveled up by then.

I've been having some relatively stressful days in the office, and that takes a toll on my mental well being. Evidently I'm still not very good at regulating emotions and keeping work separate from personal life. But honestly, who is able to draw a neat line between the two?

People are selfish. People are entitled. People can be mean and unkind. That's reality. But perhaps, we feel that way about others because we too fail to see where they are coming from.

Of course, some people are a lost cause. This category of humans can be struck off and really don't let them bother you because they're not worth it.

Some people may actually have a good reason behind their behaviour or actions. It's for us to choose whether or not we want to step into their shoes and see their point of view.

Some times, explaining yourself may be the best way. And if that solves nothing too, life goes on and well, better next time.

You see girl, life happens. It's been going on for 31 years for you and it likely will go on for awhile more. Like it or not, everything is a choice. So don't bitch about life, don't lament others, and don't be bitter.

Life is better when happy anyway.. May your 31st year be joy filled, adventured filled, and overflowing with kindness.

Happy belated birthday dear self! #love

It's You

Henry - It's You Live Version

I was already a huge fan of this song, but this gives me the goosebumps.

I Will Show You

What a beautiful performance.

Why So Cute II

Got7 - Lullaby

How I spent my long weekend.

To be fair, I did this intense 60mins yoga flow and it felt.. awesome. Try it but only if you have some yoga practice under your belt already. Otherwise, try something simpler!

Can't wait for Korea!

Why So Cute

BTS - Go, Go

I woke up early this morning, to cancel my morning yoga booking.. LOL

Holidays are the best!

All This

What for?

Office Talk

I'm not keen to share about work too much, simply because work is work. But I've been spending a significant amount of my time at work lately that, it's really all I have to talk about.

Colleague X said, "You're sweet.."

Colleague Y said, "When you first came, I didn't think I'd like you very much. But now that we've got some interaction with you, I like your style. You're good."

Colleague Z said, "How's work so far? You look like you're enjoying it!"

But I bet there are also times where I get comments behind my back, or maybe even to my face, but why remember the bad when it's better to remember the good instead?

 I just need to remind myself that I'm not here to please anyone. I'm here to do a job, and to do it right. And I certainly don't need everyone to like me.

It's okay.

How Many People Does It Take To Fix A Printer?

4 apparently.

This story was from the last work week. Colleague A jammed the printer and sought help from Colleague B. And on my way back to my desk from the loo, I stopped to help too because Colleague A was wearing a dress, and I, conveniently was wearing pants that day.

So Colleague B sorted out the paper jam and was trying to put the tray back, and that's where I came into the picture. Together, we tried to fit the tray back in for the longest time, but struggled.

Then along came Colleague C who, a bit of a back story, is the type of aunty colleague who would rather suffer the cold than turn off the air-conditioning for fear that the rest in the office would feel hot.

She came by and said, "Why don't you guys remove the paper from the tray first so it's not so heavy?" Brilliant advice.

The tray was lighter by now, but we still couldn't slot it back into the printer.

So Colleague A who had come back to assist suggested, "I think you can try tilting the tray from top in, maybe it'll fit that way." And it did!

And why I feel this story is worth sharing? Because certainly it didn't require 4 people to fix a paper jam. But it worked. And surely, we could've thought to remove the paper from the tray first so that the burden is lighter, but we didn't.

I was reminded that sometimes in life, we are so blinded by what's ahead of us, that we genuinely don't see what else is there.

And also from this episode, the advice came from someone we least expected. Which again reminds me that we should never underestimate anyone or downplay the efforts of others.

***

I'm having a slight headache now, I am not too sure if it's from beer o'clock, or the exertion of pulling Optis up the ramp - yes, that's just about how unfit I am these days, or just overall fatigue and dehydration.

Actually, it could be a combination of all that.

Also, I started coughing all of sudden, tried drinking some warm tea, it has helped a little, and I really cannot afford to fall sick now, but if I do, I totally jinxed myself.

I shared it as a joke in a conversation yesterday, "What if I fall sick now and become useless in the coming weekend regatta?"

Be careful for what you wish for.

***

Things I am obsessed with lately:

1. Hillsong Worship on Spotify. I was in my colleagues car headed to a meeting the other day and Broken Vessels (Amazing Grace) was playing.
2. Compression socks. Which I wear to sleep. Maybe it's psychological, but my feet don't ache the next day no matter how achy it was the night before.
3. Shopee. But I only mostly browse. I bought toilet paper the other day because free shipping.
4. YouTube. Because it's such a brainless yet therapeutic activity.
5. Cleaning the floor of my room. Also therapeutic much.
6. Switching on my Muji diffuser with either Geranium or the Muji Relax oils. Makes me feel relaxed and rested.
7. Not waking up when my alarm goes off..

Which calls for bed time, but first, I'd need to clear my laundry that's occupying my bed space. Night!

What Do I Do At Home All The Time?

So, I spend a lot of my 宅女 days just watching random YouTubes because my new place has awesome WiFi!

Usually I'd watch dramas, but there's nothing I really want to follow these days..

So, the random videos I've been watching in no particular order.

子时当归

Her videos are aesthetically pleasing. In my opinion. Those gourmet make at home meals make me want to aspire to try harder, but then I go, my cup noodles are so comforting too. It's fine.

The North Face

Sweaty palms. And that guy be new level cray. Seriously. Same dude who free solo(ed) El Capitan, watch here. 

A Ballerina’s Entire Routine, From Waking Up to Showtime | Work It | Allure

Mhmm, yup.

新年快乐

Really feel like buying a coffee machine now.

Just saying.

Legit, In Love

Way Back Home - SHAUN

Not the best vocal, but, overall performance is at a 12/10 for me! 

Literally got me ah Ohh~ 

I'm In Love

Way Back Home - SHAUN

What Do I Do At Home All Day Everyday?

The guys make Taekwondo athletes look like they were all meant to be kpop artists! My only gripe is how the little K-Tigers can afford to have blond hair (-__-)" something about that rubs me the wrong way.

I often get asked what I do in my free time in Singapore since I am living on my own, and not seeing anyone.

Firstly, I love being at home, where I mostly have everything I need (except food) and just not doing anything. It's therapeutic and personally, I think this helps me to recharge and keeps my sanity.

Secondly, I usually would find myself cleaning and tidying my space, this takes time and I love it when I'm done, and my personal space is squeaky clean.

Thirdly, now that I have super strong WiFi at my new rented place (YAY!), I stream a lot of youtubes. Random youtubes that make me fangirl over K-Tigers for instance. But as of late, I watch a lot of home decor clips and DIY stuff, not that I am into DIYing, but it's just cool to see what people can do with recycled or up-cycled stuff. Generally, videos that show how others make use of their small spaces fascinates me.

Yup, that's all for today!

People Who Want To Be There, Will Be There

I am a little under the weather. But I am just glad this virus is only attacking now and not while we were racing in Langkawi last week.

I wonder if I'll be better after sleep?

Anyway. In line with the theme of needing to belong and accepted, to be liked, I realised that my general well-being the past couple of weeks have much to do with my little new year resolution.

There was this one incident in 2018 that had left a nasty aftertaste in my thirties. Long story short, I concluded that if a friend is too busy to make time for me, then so be it. I wouldn't need their friendship anyway.

At the end of 2018, I decided that well, it's a new year, it's time to forgive, forget and plus, it's not like I've been a perfect friend either. So, I made a mental note that I will put in more effort to keep in touch and/or spend time with people I've conveniently and some I strategically lost touch with.

So when 2019 came along, I embarked on a mini get-in-touch-with-friends-I've-lost touch-with project. I texted several friends and out of 5 people, probably 3 people hadn't responded to my attempts of getting in touch.

I admit, I was super bitter about it and really did question myself - Did I offend them? Did I wrong them without realising it? Have I done something I should be apologising for? If not, why are they not responsive to me?

And yes, I have an innate need to be liked, so, people not responding to me, I took as rejection and this surprisingly affected me more than I would have liked.

But today, I came across a revelation. It occurred to me that some people, even if you wanted them in your life, they don't. People have to want to be in your life before it can happen. And you just can't force it.

Some people will come, linger and go. That's fine.

Some people will not come, even if you tried. And that's fine too.

The bottom line is, people who want to be in your life will make that effort to be there.

There's really no use second guessing.

So, I have decided to not mop over those people who have decidedly not reply my messages, who have for whatever reason decide that I am not worth their time.

I am at peace and it's okay.

爱哭鬼

没人爱的小孩， 这不对。

该是 ，不懂得爱的小孩 。

还说 名字里有爱，

该 比较 懂爱。

这话 是谁说的？

Rejection & Failure

I don't take to losing, rejection and failure well.

Never did and it's still a hard pill for me to swallow at thirty.

But, life does have the tendency to teach you lessons one way or another.

I often doubt that I'm a good person. But at almost the same time, I don't think I am a terrible person. Maybe I'm just somewhere there in the middle.

And while being in the middle doesn't necessarily mean a bad thing, it's kind of like, you're not succeeding, but you're not failing either. You're kind of not losing, but not winning either. You're kind of being rejected, but being accepted all the same.

Why is state such a confusing state to be in. Being stuck in a rut, and not knowing the correct way out.