Not emo-ing!

No, I am not emo-ing nor am I depressed.

Just... not very happy these couple of days but definitely not to the extend of dreading life, yet.

The feeling is more of being helpless and not being in control over things that I should have control over.

Anyway

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Psych Posers

Heads on water

Thought this was a nice photo.

I miss....
:*(

It feels weird not knowing what I am supposed to do. It's tiring too. Mentally.

Lesson(s)

[Bu Gong Ping]
Point of matter, nothing in life is fair.

It's more about being in the right place at the right time or knowing the right people for the right purpose.

If you've been keeping up with the Malaysian Monsoon Cup Qualifiers which ended yesterday, or with the Asian Qualifiers that started today, you'd probably understand where all this is coming from. NST covers daily reports of the event briefly in the Sports section.

** No, I am not complaining or criticizing anyone, am merely pointing out the realities of life which I think is fairly important for all us to take note.

So, I was and still am shocked to see some of my ex-crews at the event, mainly for a couple of reasons.
(1) How did they manage to even go for it when we didn't have any budget?
(2) Why are they representing Perak when they're from Selangor?
(3) Who arranged for them to be there?
(4) How come I didn't know and was not told about this?
(5) How did all this happen??!

And honestly, why are all the teams who entered this year all Malays, minus the only non-Malay skippered entry from Terengganu. 2 teams from Navy, 1 team from Perak, 2 from MYA, 1 from Johore, 1 from Putrajaya (if I had not mistaken)... All Melayu's, all org sendiri!

** The only reason why I cannot even remember who is racing or was racing is because, they are freaking nobodies!! No match racing experience, no training, no knowledge. Nada! Nil!! How the hell did they even get to enter when the entry fee is so effin high?

I cannot not assume that it's bloody politics lingering again, top ranking people helping their own people, bloody selfish people wanting and trying to be in the limelight, Melayu's tolong-ing Melayu's. The freaking people in MYA (Malaysian Yachting Association) pulling strings to suit their own benefits.

Okay lah, so it isn't true that I am not criticizing and complaining but how can??

Half the entries are people from the MYA who aren't even sailors! They're supposedly in the MYA to help us run the damned association so that youngsters and youths, people like you and I will get the chance to sail and one day represent the country, but no.

They're there to pull in their own people. Abang, adik, kakak, anak, sepupu, pak cik, mak cik all they tarik in, those different from them can forget about ever donning the colors of our country. What the hell is all these?!

It was already bad when I was in the squad 3 years back, at least then we still had someone who really was in the association to do good, who saw the potential in others and was there for the sake of the sailors, and then they kicked him out. What is their f*cking problem?! Just because he was not one of them and just because he was actually doing his job in making sure that everyone was treated equally and had equal opportunities to advance.

I tell you, this is all nonsense. Pure rubbish. Literally. That is why I strongly believe that Malaysian sports will never go far.

Damn.

Okay lah, so I am pissed and annoyed because life is not fair. But over my share of experience, I have learnt that life isn't fair to begin with, it's just not as easy to digest when you see unjust right in front of your two eyes.

*inhale exhale inhale exhale*

Nevertheless, congrats goes to Ain, skipper of Team Perak and also the only female skipper this time around for winning the wild card to the actual Monsoon Cup. Hope she does well then. Hope.

Also hor, another lesson that 'hit me hard' over the span of the past two weeks. It is not about being knowledgeable or being successful, or how people see you as or perceive you to be. It is how you 'cheat yourself' to believe that you are smart and successful that makes you 'successful'.

Faham ka?

Meaning, I can be the worst ever person to conduct an orchestra but as long as I stand in front of the crowd, smile, wave my wand as if I know perfectly what I am doing, I will still get my applause at the end of the concert.

It's more like, I know I don't know much, but if I pretend to know that I know much, people will think that I know much and therefore I will look smart, and if I look smart, people will think I am smart! So conclusion is, I AM SMART!

Using proper terms, it basically means, crazily high self confidence and super thick skin will pull you through thunderstorms, taifun's, tsunami's, crap and nonsense, somehow.

Of course I am not suggesting that one should rely totally on self confidence to get through life, chances are, it'll get you somewhere but nowhere far... I am emphasizing the importance of self confidence.

If you've made it thus far, you deserve a pat on the back. *pat*

So yeah. It's been a good day, finally spent some quality time with the friends over lunch and had the usual dose of laughter from the very cute bunch of people. My friends are just oh-so-cute! The trigger for this post was when I flipped open the newspaper and read the contents.

So another lesson of the day, don't read the newspaper! It spoils your day! (of course I am just kidding on this one).

A very long post script:

Okay, I am being very harsh. I should not blame others for what has happened or for what that has not happened. After all, you want something, you have to work for it. I wanted to be there, to be part of it, to be representing the country, but I did not work for it. So all I have is myself to blame and thrusting my anger on others isn't the right thing to do.

I am jealous of what my counterparts have achieved and I wrote this very long post noting everything bad and everything negative. Again, my own perspective, my own story. It shouldn't be the case.

I hereby clarify that although I am not happy with how things are at the moment, I suppose the winners did perform well and earned it for themselves. My sincere congrats to them and although I am still sore about the whole thing, I am glad that at least they've moved on, and hopefully they'll continue to perform.

Despite all that, I don't think a "sorry" is necessary because after all, I am stating what I see as the truth and I am very sure that if it isn't, no one should feel offended.

So, you want something, you work hard to earn it! It is as simple as ABC.

Blame them!

It's all their fault lahhhh.

Ivy Choong & Mandy Kok!

Apa?
"Buy bags online, cheap cheap...."

Yeah, cheap! And nice too! But...
-_-
Now, I also want.

So truth is, it's really cheaper as compared to when you buy them outside (even comparing with flea market prices). And judging from the ones Mandy already received, the quality isn't too bad either!

And guys, just because you're not into bags doesn't mean you can't browse through the site! The models are all super chun kawaii mei mei's!

Like, I am dead serious.

```````````````
What MANCOVA / ANCOVA / ANOVA / MANOVA?!?!
Why can't we just stick to plain good ol' T-test & Chi-Square?!?!

Wilcoxon? Mann Whitney? Levene's? KMO? Bartlet? What box again??

ARRrrRrrGGgGgghhHhhhh!!

God save me! Please!

I'll start work right after I am done with this.

Procrastination in action. Sigh.
No medicine can cure liao lah me.

Warning: This is going to be one longggg post.
Why?
1. I have got so much to say;
2. I just really don't wanna get started with work.

Something I took off Sheryll's bloggie, think it's was pretty interesting, so I am gonna tag myself for this one.

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD :

1. Ai
2. ailinailin
3. sailor girl


THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF :
1. My tan. I wasn't exactly born a dark baby.
2. My gigi's.
3. Dimples! Who cares even if it's a facial defect or not.


THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF :
1. The vast hair growth, particularly on my legs. -_-
2. The extra layers of fat particularly around the belly.
3. The dead skin cells that forms every now and then on the outside of my baby toes.


THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE :
1. My mom's a Hainanese, my dad's a TeoChew.
2. My great grand ancestors are from China, I think.
3. What exactly is heritage again?


THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU :
1. Evil beings. By that I meant, the human kind. The non human kind are comparably still less scary!
2. Not knowing what to do, especially when I am alone.
3. Waking up one day to realize that everything in life is not real.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS :
1. Purse.
2. House keys.
3. As of lately, my glasses too.


THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING NOW :
1. Bra and panties.
2. White plain T and blue shorts.
3. Red hair band.
* I realize that's more than 3 things but si dan lah.


THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS :
1. I don't exactly any have favorites.

2. -

3. -


THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS RIGHT NOW :
* currently on my now playing list *
1. S.H.E - Ni Zhui Jin Hao Ma
2. Nikki Webster - We'll Be One
3. Luo Zi Xiang - Ai Zhuan Jiao


THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP :
1. Fun - Uhm, as in, as long as it is not boring.
2. Trust - The normal 'I trust you, You trust me'?
3. * ultimate * Comfort - Must feel comfortable and at ease when we're together.


THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU :
1. Good looks. Nyyyahhahaaa, seriously.
2. Muscles, moderately muscular. Fit is the word lah actually.
3. Good posture.


THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES :
1. Shopping.
2. If pampering myself counts as a hobby, then... getting MASSAGES.
3. Traveling.


THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW :
1. Go for a holiday / holidays actually.
2. Get a massage or go for a steam bath.
3. Open the newly bought wine from the land of cheap booze.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED :
1. Sports psychology
2. Air stewardess (Honestly, I still think it is a super glamorous job)
3. Organizational, HR, preferably in a hotel setting with a beach *wish fulfillment*


THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION :
1. Maldives
2. London
3. China
Phuket, Bali, Krabi, Bandung, Tioman, Redang, Bangkok, Pattaya.....!!!!
Those are just the names of places I know and can remember, wait till I start Googling again.


THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE :
1. Travel to many many many places!!
2. Contrary to 'not wanting to get married', I do wanna wear a wedding gown and have my picture taken.
3. To actually be able to say "I am satisfied with life, I so can die right now".


THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL :
1. I loveeeee massages and pampering myself.
2. Looking pretty is number 1 priority!
3. I have mood swings, I blame menstruation.


THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE NOT STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL :
1. Girls do hit people and get aggressive, so that doesn't qualify.
2. There are many female sailors, so that doesn't qualify either.
3. All girls wear pants, so that totally doesn't qualify either!

There, so I am a stereotypically a girl in every possible manner.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
Too cute already!!
I meant the Pup okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got back yesterday from my one week sailing venture in the Raja Muda.

Albeit times when..
It got really cold at night or in the pouring rain,
or when I almost dead of heat under the scorching hot sun,
the frustration we had to endure in the 24 hour sail up to Pangkor,
Peeing in the pee bucket when I could no longer hold in my urine..

Albeit the time when...
I pulled down my pants to see blood *gasps* (period lah!)
and had to perform the 'wearing pad maneuver' in the
crazy tiny and tilting and stuffy toilet inside the boat...
Arriving shore past midnight feeling all relieved,
thinking that I can finally have a shower, clean up and have a good nights rest,
only to find out that our baggage will only come in the next morning!!
I almost wanted to cry.
I did not pack any spares, all were in my big luggage!
Thank God for Guardians and for my wonderful 'survival instincts'...

Discarding the fact that,
We got caught in a fishing net just hours after our race started;
Discarding the fact that,
The boat was crazily slow and not performing;
Discarding the fact that,
Slower boats entered the finishing line way before us;
Discarding the fact that,
We came in almost last in a few of the races..

Also, minusing the fact that I didn't get to know any cute hot mat sallehs..
>.<

Albeit times...
when I felt really helpless and alone,
when I got angry with people,
when I felt hurt on certain occasions,
...it was good fun.
Had a really really good time away from stressful workload!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Will be back in Langkawi in Jan next year for yet another full week of funnnn!
Except this time, on a different boat sailing with different people.
Can't wait already lahh.
:)

Okay lahh, that's it for now. More photos of me in RM (added by others) available on Facebook.

All the best to all 202 pals, may we all survive it once again.

For the first time in history.

Okay, for the first time in Ai Li's history.

For the first time in my University life have I been so tied down by assignments and projects and reports (and training) that I really had no time to blog at all, let alone spend time to think of what to write.

First thing come home, on computer, check email for updates from group mates and for new announcements hoping that there's an extension to deadlines. Then it's spending sleepless nights trying to perfect the grammar / APA formatting / making sure we've got the right content for the right topic and so on and so forth / brainstorming for new ideas / meeting up with people to discuss stuff.... Really not very fun one lah.

Today, I finally can say, I can so seriously die of fatigue. I speak for most B.Psych student lah I believe. And no, it is not just due to procrastination, it is not us students not doing our part, okay, maybe it is, but it is really crazyyy, it's driving me crazyyy!

And yes, I don't intentionally wanna be mean but when I say I am busy and tired, I mean it! So much so that you either (1) offer to give me a massage, or (2) offer to buy me nice warm drink to help me stay awake when necessary or (3) simply stay away.

I have no more energy left to be nice. Really.

Don't come up to me and bombard me with the gazillion questions have you so conveniently kept all this while to ask me at this point of time because even if your questions don't piss me off, you will.
* only if my dad reads my blog too.

Truth is, I am tired. And I need to whine. And the need to release some negative energy is major.

*release of negative energy*

Back to "relationship love".

This is going to be ultimately short!

For two reasons.

1. I should be 'dedicating' every un-occupied seconds of my life in completing the dreaded amounts of assignments due this Friday and coming Monday.
2. I should be spending the remaining few seconds I have left resting considering I am now down with a bloody sore throat and a flu.

Popped a panadol down earlier, and the fever's gone, which is a good sign.

Also, not to mention, the seminar this Wednesday. Won't publicize it here cause it makes no sense and also because 'my time here is limited'. wtf.

Anyway, because I came across this while doing assignment, I couldn't resist but to post it up for sharing.

Must come up with my 100 places to visit before I die! Mustttt.

I think my neighbor is playing Transformers on their PS with their volume tuned to the max! Either that or their house is being invaded by aliens, crashing in and demolishing their home.

One sentence, "Shaddup, please... Do you know what effin time is it already?!"

I think.

This.is.it.

And that my dears friends, is all I have to say.