It's been a hot while hey :)
In recent months leading into 2025, I have come to the realisation that as I grow older, I have consciously become more protective of my time, and I've become quite good with being on my own too. That is to also say that I've become more selective with who I chose to spend my time with.
Why spend time with people who drain me? Why spend energy on activities that don't recharge or make me stronger, better?
In line with that, I've come to realise also that I'm losing the will to converse. Or, could it be that I don't have an audience? Now that I've closed myself off to only a handful of trusted allies, sometimes words aren't even necessary. Hence the reluctance to speak when in an unfamiliar environment.
The lack of 'putting thyself out there' weighing rather heavily on my mind. Is this a good, or bad thing - I wonder.
I recall in my younger days, there was a period where I struggled similarly. Though I'd argue that back then, it was caused by a lack of self confidence. I didn't know how to fit in. I'd purposely skip out on events because I didn't want to be the loner sitting at a table with no one to talk to.
Ahh, yes. It was also then that I picked up the habit of reading. It was solace, a hideout. Having a book made the perfect cover, it wasn't that I couldn't fit in, it's me choosing my book over an audience.
Have I merely regressed into my teenage self?
