Monday, December 31
This Is For You
Heard this over New Year's Eve dinner with Mom and little bro in McD's - yup, we're unique like that. Wes and I both took out our phones and SoundHound-ed the song.
Like ships in the night. You're passing me by. Full lyrics here.
Today, I am proud of myself.
Sunday, December 30
Saturday, December 29
Oxymoron's Are Fun
A good problem - Is a good problem a good thing?
It sure is better than a bad problem. But zero problem at all would be even better. But comparing bad problem to good problem, I'd pick good problem. Who wouldn't.
When a compliment comes from the wrong people, it loses its value completely.
Hair down, black spag, jean shorts, pink converse and minimal accessories. To not give a care in the world for just a bit and let the mind go free.
More oxymorons here! But you may want to turn off your speakers, the site is playing the Gangnam song nonstop.
The rest is up to you.
It sure is better than a bad problem. But zero problem at all would be even better. But comparing bad problem to good problem, I'd pick good problem. Who wouldn't.
When a compliment comes from the wrong people, it loses its value completely.
Hair down, black spag, jean shorts, pink converse and minimal accessories. To not give a care in the world for just a bit and let the mind go free.
More oxymorons here! But you may want to turn off your speakers, the site is playing the Gangnam song nonstop.
The rest is up to you.
Friday, December 28
What Went Wrong Where
That was four W's right there. Did you even notice? Own!
Ate too much for dinner, can't shower now because people say if you shower right after a meal, your tummy will grow bigger. I don't see the logic but anything to do with my tummy getting bigger, I will not risk it. That excludes ice cream!
Stray Italian Greyhound - Vienna Teng
So sweet! Cute lyrics too..
Finally, when everyone is beginning to get onto the same page, the story should supposedly start to make some sense, correct? Because I still don't get it. As a matter of fact, I am starting to not get it at all. So strange, but oh well.
Feeling a little blue this evening, but the pretty kinda blue. :P
Feeling a little blue this evening, but the pretty kinda blue. :P
Last weekend of 2012, what are you gonna do??
Whatever it is, make it count! Love!
Wednesday, December 26
Two-O-One-Three Resolutions! No, Not Two Thousand and Thirteen of Them
WHOOOOPSIE!
Some of you may have read my incomplete draft of this post. That's because yours truly was being a dodo and instead of saving the draft to be edited further, I published it. /shy
Anyway, since a lot of things in life cannot be undone, like this mistake of mine, we'll just move on shall we? The list is not in chronological order, it's just at random.
Now if you please. =)
1) I'd like to entertain the idea of traveling to two different countries, Singapore and Thailand don't count.
2) Some people say, the more you wish for it, the more it won't happen. Some others say, if you don't try, you'll obviously never get it. I'm fifty-fifty. I reckon I'll be fine just as I am, but if someone special stumbles along, that'd be nice too.
3) I am still at a stage where I don't quite know what, where, or how my future will be. So I most certainly would like it if I am able to learn more about myself and my aspirations in twenty thirteen.
4) In twenty twelve, I said, "Dieting will always be for tomorrow", so it was not on my list. But this coming year, I am inclined to lose some weight and getting to say, 48kg's. According to the Asian BMI, me being at 48kg's would put me on the lower end of the healthy weight range, which is perfect!
(If you are still thinking of what to buy me for Christmas, I accept belated gifts, a digital weighing machine would be nice!)
5) Join a class / master a new skill. It could be dancing classes, cooking classes, baking classes, sushi making classes, climbing classes, language classes, latte art classes, diving, Pilates maybe, or even kickboxing. Whichever tickles my fancy. And if I can get a buddy to do it with me, that'd be added motivation to try it.
6) This next resolution is one that I had to think hard and long before writing it down, because it takes on a more serious tone, at least to me it does. And writing it down and making it public would mean that I will have to see to it. #accountability101
I've always felt "insecure" and inferior when it comes to matters about religion, and it is most likely because I feel inadequate when it came to this. Also, overly warm people scare me to death. Twenty thirteen will be a year in which Ishall not be afraid of overly warm people shall brave it all and do what I need to do.
So dear friends, those of you who are of the same faith as I, please pray for me. Check on me too from time to time because you know, I can be a lazy bum sometimes.
7) Run.... (I am already regretting this) a marathon? But I guess this would help with item (4). It's a good thing that I did not specify how long the marathon must be. In the namesake of staying healthy though, let's see to this lah. Run a marathon.
8) For each of the 365 days in 2013, I am to write down (at least) one blessing per day. There can be more than one, the idea is just so that in the case where some days seem so dark that nothing good happened or could happen, in my best efforts, or that of others, there will be something, no matter how tiny, to be grateful for.
9) To be a better person. I know this is an odd resolution too, considering how there's no way to determine whether it has been achieved by the end of 2013. But it's here to act as a reminder that no matter what circumstance, I shall attempt my very best to do what's right, or at least my perceived right (there's no way this is going to sound correct), but you get what I mean don't you?!
10) We're down to the last resolution already so quick! So I'll stick to the cliche - Live everyday to the fullest, love like there's no tomorrow, be a blessing to others.
There's no proper way to say goodbye to 2012 because there isn't really a goodbye, everything in 2012 (and ever since 1988) will continue to be a part of my story.. Thank you's though need to be said.
So to all who has made 2012 bearable and awesome, a big warm thank you to you. And because it is a very 'me' thing to say, for those of you who made 2012 feel like crap, I thank you too, because you've taught me resilience and for that, I have learnt to be a better and stronger person than I was before!
I have grown up, haven't I? Wheeeee! :D
Some of you may have read my incomplete draft of this post. That's because yours truly was being a dodo and instead of saving the draft to be edited further, I published it. /shy
Anyway, since a lot of things in life cannot be undone, like this mistake of mine, we'll just move on shall we? The list is not in chronological order, it's just at random.
Now if you please. =)
1) I'd like to entertain the idea of traveling to two different countries, Singapore and Thailand don't count.
2) Some people say, the more you wish for it, the more it won't happen. Some others say, if you don't try, you'll obviously never get it. I'm fifty-fifty. I reckon I'll be fine just as I am, but if someone special stumbles along, that'd be nice too.
3) I am still at a stage where I don't quite know what, where, or how my future will be. So I most certainly would like it if I am able to learn more about myself and my aspirations in twenty thirteen.
4) In twenty twelve, I said, "Dieting will always be for tomorrow", so it was not on my list. But this coming year, I am inclined to lose some weight and getting to say, 48kg's. According to the Asian BMI, me being at 48kg's would put me on the lower end of the healthy weight range, which is perfect!
(If you are still thinking of what to buy me for Christmas, I accept belated gifts, a digital weighing machine would be nice!)
5) Join a class / master a new skill. It could be dancing classes, cooking classes, baking classes, sushi making classes, climbing classes, language classes, latte art classes, diving, Pilates maybe, or even kickboxing. Whichever tickles my fancy. And if I can get a buddy to do it with me, that'd be added motivation to try it.
6) This next resolution is one that I had to think hard and long before writing it down, because it takes on a more serious tone, at least to me it does. And writing it down and making it public would mean that I will have to see to it. #accountability101
I've always felt "insecure" and inferior when it comes to matters about religion, and it is most likely because I feel inadequate when it came to this. Also, overly warm people scare me to death. Twenty thirteen will be a year in which I
So dear friends, those of you who are of the same faith as I, please pray for me. Check on me too from time to time because you know, I can be a lazy bum sometimes.
7) Run.... (I am already regretting this) a marathon? But I guess this would help with item (4). It's a good thing that I did not specify how long the marathon must be. In the namesake of staying healthy though, let's see to this lah. Run a marathon.
8) For each of the 365 days in 2013, I am to write down (at least) one blessing per day. There can be more than one, the idea is just so that in the case where some days seem so dark that nothing good happened or could happen, in my best efforts, or that of others, there will be something, no matter how tiny, to be grateful for.
9) To be a better person. I know this is an odd resolution too, considering how there's no way to determine whether it has been achieved by the end of 2013. But it's here to act as a reminder that no matter what circumstance, I shall attempt my very best to do what's right, or at least my perceived right (there's no way this is going to sound correct), but you get what I mean don't you?!
10) We're down to the last resolution already so quick! So I'll stick to the cliche - Live everyday to the fullest, love like there's no tomorrow, be a blessing to others.
There's no proper way to say goodbye to 2012 because there isn't really a goodbye, everything in 2012 (and ever since 1988) will continue to be a part of my story.. Thank you's though need to be said.
So to all who has made 2012 bearable and awesome, a big warm thank you to you. And because it is a very 'me' thing to say, for those of you who made 2012 feel like crap, I thank you too, because you've taught me resilience and for that, I have learnt to be a better and stronger person than I was before!
I have grown up, haven't I? Wheeeee! :D
Tuesday, December 25
We Can Ride On A Star, We Can Light Up The Sky
It's whimsical and serious at the same time.
I love it! It's Take That's Rule the World. I found many very epic versions of it. I am embedding the London Olympic version because who doesn't love the Olympics! And the fireworks that come with it, so pretty!
Edit: The International Olympic Committee apparently doesn't allow the video to be played on other sites but YouTube so I am changing the order. Embedded below is the original version by Take That themselves. The Olympic link is here!
And here's the version by Ella Henderson on X Factor UK.
And how can I forget, Blessed Christmas to all. =)
We can ride on a star, we can light up the sky.
I love it! It's Take That's Rule the World. I found many very epic versions of it. I am embedding the London Olympic version because who doesn't love the Olympics! And the fireworks that come with it, so pretty!
Edit: The International Olympic Committee apparently doesn't allow the video to be played on other sites but YouTube so I am changing the order. Embedded below is the original version by Take That themselves. The Olympic link is here!
And here's the version by Ella Henderson on X Factor UK.
And how can I forget, Blessed Christmas to all. =)
We can ride on a star, we can light up the sky.
Monday, December 24
Sunday, December 23
End of Year Update On My 50 Things To Do in 2012
Before I begin with the actual top 50 things that I had set out to do. Here are some that probably didn't quite fall under that list but worth a mention anyway.
I think one of my biggest takeaway from 2012 is in learning that, you don't have to receive just because you give. It's true that a lot of things in life must be reciprocal, but so long as you're happy giving, don't let yourself be robbed of that happiness just because other parties are not complying to that 'rule'.
There was a fair bit of traveling in 2012 too. Club Med with the family in Jan, Banjaran Ipoh with Mom, Kota Kinabalu in July, high school friend's wedding in Port Dickson, Malaysian Match Racing Championship III in Johor, Sibu with Mandy and Sharon, Johor and Singapore with the parents in September, Krabi with Ivy, Ivy's boyfriend, Ivy's sisters, and Ivy's friend.
Indian engagement wearing Punjabi suits; Paintball with some new friends; Tapestry Christmas performance; Random meet up's including the one with Morten and Su Ann, Xian Jie and the other Sg girls, Alison from the previous job; Broga climb in which we learnt that we should/ must always check the weather forecast first!
Dolphins sighting in Port Klang. Spending way too much on Starbucks. Also, I've lasted a full year (still counting) in my current job!
I learned/discovered a new tip/trick/routine - if you are one who frequently uses the hairdryer, you can try putting on a facial mask and then drying your hair with the mask on your face. I feel it helps to keep your face protected from the heat of the hairdryer and at the same time provide the moisture necessary for your face. =)
Moving on to that list! (To refer to the last time this list was updated, click here).
1. Travel to 2 countries/ places I have not been to before.
a. Club Med Cherating
b. Banjaran Ipoh
2. Submit applications for Masters.
I applied, I got my offer and I rejected the offer. But it's all good, plans for the near future are not particularly clear yet, but at least I know that now is not the time, yet. =)
3. Invest in hair care treatment.
Checked!
4. Bake a cake.
I didn't really end up baking any cakes or cake, but I baked a batch of Christmas cookies yesterday, and I'll be sharing them around! =)
5. Wear a dress once a week (unless special circumstances).
Come to think of it, I do wear dresses once a week, on average.
6. Wear heels once a week (unless special circumstances).
I bought several pairs of heels this year, guilty of under utilizing them, but to be fair, I do wear them when the occasion arises.
7. Red highlights for the hair before mid year.
This sorta kinda did and did not happen at the same time. But I am pleased with this item anyway. Checked!
8. Do charity work / volunteer.
The extend of my charity contribution for this year would having participated in the World Vision 30 Hour Famine. I will not be doing it again next year, but I have learnt to appreciate what I have, more than ever before, and to give what I can because others may not be as blessed as we are.
9. Go for a full medical check up.
I am as healthy as a horse.
10. Keep my hair super long.
It's growing out well... I am happy.
11. Get a new pair of glasses.
Checked!
12. Re-start up HELP Sailing Club.
I recently re-checked back the helpsailingclub email, haha, good times back in university. It's sad that it's no longer up and running, and it's also sad that I don't seem to want to get it re-started up but ohwell, it just means that it's not a priority.
13. Use a satin pillow case.
Not satin but close enough. Checked!
14. Buy a satin pillow case.
See above. Checked.
15. Do something nice for one person (or more) each day.
I am thinking this is going quite well, I give myself off days from time to time. Some days, no one deserves to be treated nice.
16. Smile and say Good Morning to the first person I see every day.
Checked!
17. Go climb Mount KK.
Checked!
18. Get a second opinion on the wisdom tooth.
I did, and Mr Dentist says that I don't have to extract my smart gigi after all! Wheee, I just need to keep to regular flossing, brushing and, visit the dentist more often.
19. Drink more water.
Everytime I get a new bottle, I drink more water.
20. Play volleyball.
21. Not use work as an excuse to not sail.
I really haven't sailed much at all this year. But it's not a bad thing either. I think I've been balancing my priorities well when it comes to this.
22. Go fly kite.
If we count spinnakers as kite, then yes, I did fly a kite!
23. Go for a picnic.
Checked.
24. Do something crazily spontaneous, Like an impromptu trip somewhere.
Checked.
25. Try something completely new, can be anything from food to a new experience.
Checked.
26. Make 10 new friends and remember them.
Facebook's review of my 2012 year said that I made 63 new friends! That's... pretty amazing. Out of that 63, there are definitely 10 whom I've grown to love, a lot.
27. Eat more fruits.
Checked.
28. Finish watching everything in my external hard disk.
29. Read up on NPD.
30. Either read and return The Lucifer Effect, or return it without reading anyway.
31. Only make promises that I can keep.
This is possibly the trickiest item on my list. I think with it being on the list, I have consciously put more effort into thinking about promises before I make them, but some inevitably still don't materialize, but the important point is that I try/ tried.
32. Quit impulse buying.
Checked.
33. Do the sailor nails. Maybe for my birthday maybe hmmm.
34. Avoid showering late at night if I can help it.
Verdict: 6 items not fulfilled out of the 34, not bad I'd say.. =)
Non quantifiable items
35. Trust more.
36. Talk less, listen more.
37. Be more social.
38. Be responsible.
39. Be patient.
40. Take less, give more.
41. Forgive and forget.
42. Love, don't hate.
43. Make time for those who matter.
44. Eat healthily.
45. Be kind to others.
46. Remember that respect is earned.
47. Be brave.
48. Do not envy, do not be jealous.
49. Have a big big heart.
50. Be nice to people.
2012 has been good and bad in its own way. I've cried tears of sadness, disappointment, and frustration but I've also had my fair share of tears of joy and from laughing so hard that my tummy was doing somersaults.
If there's another thing that I can takeaway from this year, it would be that you win some, you lose some. We accept the good for what it is, but we also must learn to accept the not-so-good for what it is. It's not about compromising, or reducing your values, but more of learning to be better and growing stronger as we go along the journey.
I was re-reading my 50 Things I Did In 2011, and I like that list. So for 2013, I am going to stick to that instead. I'll still have my new year resolution list, but maybe scale it down to 10 main things. And the rest, well I'll just live it out and see what happens..
Now 2013, bring it on!
I think one of my biggest takeaway from 2012 is in learning that, you don't have to receive just because you give. It's true that a lot of things in life must be reciprocal, but so long as you're happy giving, don't let yourself be robbed of that happiness just because other parties are not complying to that 'rule'.
There was a fair bit of traveling in 2012 too. Club Med with the family in Jan, Banjaran Ipoh with Mom, Kota Kinabalu in July, high school friend's wedding in Port Dickson, Malaysian Match Racing Championship III in Johor, Sibu with Mandy and Sharon, Johor and Singapore with the parents in September, Krabi with Ivy, Ivy's boyfriend, Ivy's sisters, and Ivy's friend.
Indian engagement wearing Punjabi suits; Paintball with some new friends; Tapestry Christmas performance; Random meet up's including the one with Morten and Su Ann, Xian Jie and the other Sg girls, Alison from the previous job; Broga climb in which we learnt that we should/ must always check the weather forecast first!
Dolphins sighting in Port Klang. Spending way too much on Starbucks. Also, I've lasted a full year (still counting) in my current job!
I learned/discovered a new tip/trick/routine - if you are one who frequently uses the hairdryer, you can try putting on a facial mask and then drying your hair with the mask on your face. I feel it helps to keep your face protected from the heat of the hairdryer and at the same time provide the moisture necessary for your face. =)
Moving on to that list! (To refer to the last time this list was updated, click here).
1. Travel to 2 countries/ places I have not been to before.
a. Club Med Cherating
b. Banjaran Ipoh
2. Submit applications for Masters.
I applied, I got my offer and I rejected the offer. But it's all good, plans for the near future are not particularly clear yet, but at least I know that now is not the time, yet. =)
3. Invest in hair care treatment.
Checked!
4. Bake a cake.
I didn't really end up baking any cakes or cake, but I baked a batch of Christmas cookies yesterday, and I'll be sharing them around! =)
5. Wear a dress once a week (unless special circumstances).
Come to think of it, I do wear dresses once a week, on average.
6. Wear heels once a week (unless special circumstances).
I bought several pairs of heels this year, guilty of under utilizing them, but to be fair, I do wear them when the occasion arises.
7. Red highlights for the hair before mid year.
This sorta kinda did and did not happen at the same time. But I am pleased with this item anyway. Checked!
8. Do charity work / volunteer.
The extend of my charity contribution for this year would having participated in the World Vision 30 Hour Famine. I will not be doing it again next year, but I have learnt to appreciate what I have, more than ever before, and to give what I can because others may not be as blessed as we are.
9. Go for a full medical check up.
I am as healthy as a horse.
10. Keep my hair super long.
It's growing out well... I am happy.
11. Get a new pair of glasses.
Checked!
12. Re-start up HELP Sailing Club.
I recently re-checked back the helpsailingclub email, haha, good times back in university. It's sad that it's no longer up and running, and it's also sad that I don't seem to want to get it re-started up but ohwell, it just means that it's not a priority.
13. Use a satin pillow case.
Not satin but close enough. Checked!
14. Buy a satin pillow case.
See above. Checked.
15. Do something nice for one person (or more) each day.
I am thinking this is going quite well, I give myself off days from time to time. Some days, no one deserves to be treated nice.
16. Smile and say Good Morning to the first person I see every day.
Checked!
17. Go climb Mount KK.
Checked!
18. Get a second opinion on the wisdom tooth.
I did, and Mr Dentist says that I don't have to extract my smart gigi after all! Wheee, I just need to keep to regular flossing, brushing and, visit the dentist more often.
19. Drink more water.
Everytime I get a new bottle, I drink more water.
20. Play volleyball.
21. Not use work as an excuse to not sail.
I really haven't sailed much at all this year. But it's not a bad thing either. I think I've been balancing my priorities well when it comes to this.
22. Go fly kite.
If we count spinnakers as kite, then yes, I did fly a kite!
23. Go for a picnic.
Checked.
24. Do something crazily spontaneous, Like an impromptu trip somewhere.
Checked.
25. Try something completely new, can be anything from food to a new experience.
Checked.
26. Make 10 new friends and remember them.
Facebook's review of my 2012 year said that I made 63 new friends! That's... pretty amazing. Out of that 63, there are definitely 10 whom I've grown to love, a lot.
27. Eat more fruits.
Checked.
28. Finish watching everything in my external hard disk.
29. Read up on NPD.
30. Either read and return The Lucifer Effect, or return it without reading anyway.
31. Only make promises that I can keep.
This is possibly the trickiest item on my list. I think with it being on the list, I have consciously put more effort into thinking about promises before I make them, but some inevitably still don't materialize, but the important point is that I try/ tried.
32. Quit impulse buying.
Checked.
33. Do the sailor nails. Maybe for my birthday maybe hmmm.
34. Avoid showering late at night if I can help it.
Verdict: 6 items not fulfilled out of the 34, not bad I'd say.. =)
Non quantifiable items
35. Trust more.
36. Talk less, listen more.
37. Be more social.
38. Be responsible.
39. Be patient.
40. Take less, give more.
41. Forgive and forget.
42. Love, don't hate.
43. Make time for those who matter.
44. Eat healthily.
45. Be kind to others.
46. Remember that respect is earned.
47. Be brave.
48. Do not envy, do not be jealous.
49. Have a big big heart.
50. Be nice to people.
2012 has been good and bad in its own way. I've cried tears of sadness, disappointment, and frustration but I've also had my fair share of tears of joy and from laughing so hard that my tummy was doing somersaults.
If there's another thing that I can takeaway from this year, it would be that you win some, you lose some. We accept the good for what it is, but we also must learn to accept the not-so-good for what it is. It's not about compromising, or reducing your values, but more of learning to be better and growing stronger as we go along the journey.
I was re-reading my 50 Things I Did In 2011, and I like that list. So for 2013, I am going to stick to that instead. I'll still have my new year resolution list, but maybe scale it down to 10 main things. And the rest, well I'll just live it out and see what happens..
Now 2013, bring it on!
Saturday, December 22
All Saturday's Should Be Like Today
I told you I am gonna start making it good, didn't I! =)
I could really do with a facial though.
Looking forward to what Sunday brings with it.
Christmas is 3 days away, are you excited?
I could really do with a facial though.
Looking forward to what Sunday brings with it.
Christmas is 3 days away, are you excited?
Friday, December 21
A Good Evening With A Certain Miss Awesome
Grocery shopping seriously rocks my boat. After...
Which came up to an approx total of RM 200, I am convinced things are gonna start getting better. Weird logic but it's gut feeling, trust me on this. =)
If it is true that I have an infectious personality, I shall start being chirpy and quirky all over again because the world could sure do with more positive vibes than negatives.
Work tomorrow, it'll be a good time to get things done I hope, provided I don't end up wasting all that time away doing random things. My work to-do-list is no joke. I strike off one item, I add 5 more to it. Rawr.
Anyway, as the saying goes, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
And thank you for the 5 minutes.
Pink air tight container. Old Town Hazelnut. Anlene Milk Powder. Boncafe Colombian. New Bros bottle. Philips Epilator. Kotex Maxi Wing. Hangers. Oats.
Which came up to an approx total of RM 200, I am convinced things are gonna start getting better. Weird logic but it's gut feeling, trust me on this. =)
If it is true that I have an infectious personality, I shall start being chirpy and quirky all over again because the world could sure do with more positive vibes than negatives.
Work tomorrow, it'll be a good time to get things done I hope, provided I don't end up wasting all that time away doing random things. My work to-do-list is no joke. I strike off one item, I add 5 more to it. Rawr.
Anyway, as the saying goes, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.
And thank you for the 5 minutes.
Thursday, December 20
Monday, December 17
Catharsis
I am just gonna talk in codes for a bit today. Too lazy to form proper sentences.
I look up the sky. Defying gravity. But sometimes, it doesn't work. Side people see it clearest. Emotionally challenging. Ethics? I should try harder, after all, some lines exist not to be crossed.
Snap finger, magic, magic 8 ball?
Tall, lanky and dorky - Sung Joon and Kim Young-Kwang. Too damn cute. Boy/man crush!
Shopping tomorrow. Dinner on Wednesday. Maybe movie Thursday. Friday is awesome on its own. I think it's work on Sat.
Excess Coke in the fridge. Would certainly go well with some rum.
Girl on fire - Alicia Keys!
Awesome lyrics. Gone is the plan to get some work done tonight before bed.
Sweet dreams, oyasumi!
Sunday, December 16
Be Still
A thousand and one things on my to do list this Sunday. Okay, a thousand and one is an exaggeration but the list keeps growing.. Rarrr!
So much going on in the world.. Yet it amazes me how little or how much certain events affect us, or not affect us at all. Is it the media or is it just our choice, as individuals, to care and not to care?
Either way, what's important to you, is what matters I guess. I, pray, for peace.
On a personal note, I figured I am afraid of being a burden, a hindrance. And so, I always keep a distance, at least until I am sure that it will never get to that point.
There's only so much one can do, but it will account for something, so let's do what we can. Love.
So much going on in the world.. Yet it amazes me how little or how much certain events affect us, or not affect us at all. Is it the media or is it just our choice, as individuals, to care and not to care?
Either way, what's important to you, is what matters I guess. I, pray, for peace.
Be Still; The Fray
On a personal note, I figured I am afraid of being a burden, a hindrance. And so, I always keep a distance, at least until I am sure that it will never get to that point.
There's only so much one can do, but it will account for something, so let's do what we can. Love.
Friday, December 14
Today I Am Writing With My Heart
Not head. Or minimal head, so that my writing would still make some sense.
I don't think I have ever hated anyone more. And it's a bad feeling because it consumes me. And I hate it. I hate it that I have such strong negative feelings. I dislike people, I do. And most of the time, I dislike people because one, I am jealous of them (yes, as bad as it is, I do get jealous often enough) and two, because they are generally not very nice people. But hate is bringing it to a whole new level. And bottom line is, it's not a feeling I like feeling.
I try to shoo it away, but it doesn't work.
And sometimes, I don't like how I perceive things so negatively. Like for instance, I feel sad to feel that I am being chucked aside. As though, I am suddenly of no value. But who's to say that I am being sidelined? If I don't allow for thoughts like that, I don't have to feel that way. I want to be strong, so strong that it no longer matters.
I've said it before that if I want something bad enough, I'd work for it. But what if at the end of the day, I am just too scared of putting in effort and still not getting what I want?
Like for instance, matchrace next year. I know I should really be putting more thought into it, getting crew sorted, but what if all this effort amounts to nothing in the end. Why bother in the first place. This is just a teeny example. I don't even dare to apply this to a bigger context in life. I'd just get too scared.
Famous words, you don't try, you don't know. But, what if trying and doing my best still doesn't get me what I want? Then what. Regret not even trying? Likely. Will that balance out the disappointment of trying and still not getting what I want? Having to live with knowing something is not attainable or living with the hope that it could be if I tried? Which is the lesser of two evils?
Only I can tell. Only I can tell.
We were once friends, close friends even I would say. Today, we're strangers. Why is life like that? Some people are meant to come and go, some are meant to stay. I know that. I do. Which is why people who have come and stayed on take a very special place in my heart, I only wished I put more effort into retaining those who have left.
I can't be praised too much, it makes me think that most problems don't lie with me. It must be them. Or that someone else, just not me.
Some magic would be nice now actually.
I don't think I have ever hated anyone more. And it's a bad feeling because it consumes me. And I hate it. I hate it that I have such strong negative feelings. I dislike people, I do. And most of the time, I dislike people because one, I am jealous of them (yes, as bad as it is, I do get jealous often enough) and two, because they are generally not very nice people. But hate is bringing it to a whole new level. And bottom line is, it's not a feeling I like feeling.
I try to shoo it away, but it doesn't work.
And sometimes, I don't like how I perceive things so negatively. Like for instance, I feel sad to feel that I am being chucked aside. As though, I am suddenly of no value. But who's to say that I am being sidelined? If I don't allow for thoughts like that, I don't have to feel that way. I want to be strong, so strong that it no longer matters.
I've said it before that if I want something bad enough, I'd work for it. But what if at the end of the day, I am just too scared of putting in effort and still not getting what I want?
Like for instance, matchrace next year. I know I should really be putting more thought into it, getting crew sorted, but what if all this effort amounts to nothing in the end. Why bother in the first place. This is just a teeny example. I don't even dare to apply this to a bigger context in life. I'd just get too scared.
Famous words, you don't try, you don't know. But, what if trying and doing my best still doesn't get me what I want? Then what. Regret not even trying? Likely. Will that balance out the disappointment of trying and still not getting what I want? Having to live with knowing something is not attainable or living with the hope that it could be if I tried? Which is the lesser of two evils?
Only I can tell. Only I can tell.
We were once friends, close friends even I would say. Today, we're strangers. Why is life like that? Some people are meant to come and go, some are meant to stay. I know that. I do. Which is why people who have come and stayed on take a very special place in my heart, I only wished I put more effort into retaining those who have left.
I can't be praised too much, it makes me think that most problems don't lie with me. It must be them. Or that someone else, just not me.
Some magic would be nice now actually.
Thursday, December 13
Too Much Spam Comments
Grrrrrr!
Of being random, I think I have been blow drying my hair for the past week nonstop. So bad for my hair. And nails are chipping too.
Looking forward to Saturday though!
Langkawi in January is not happening after all. It completely slipped my mind that whilst I am not studying, I still have work to do.
Hungggggry! I need to be fed food.
Pink's Try, Taylor Swift's I Knew You Were Trouble. And The Cab is actually really pretty awesome! Another one from them, Endlessly.
"Wings are not what you need, you need me". Oh melts..
Of being random, I think I have been blow drying my hair for the past week nonstop. So bad for my hair. And nails are chipping too.
Looking forward to Saturday though!
Langkawi in January is not happening after all. It completely slipped my mind that whilst I am not studying, I still have work to do.
Hungggggry! I need to be fed food.
Pink's Try, Taylor Swift's I Knew You Were Trouble. And The Cab is actually really pretty awesome! Another one from them, Endlessly.
"Wings are not what you need, you need me". Oh melts..
Wednesday, December 12
A Storm Is Brewing Outside
Or at least the lightning seemed mighty scary.
Last Christmas - Cascada
Heard that in the mall earlier, catchy! I think I've outgrown shopping. Heh, or maybe I am just tired. Dehydration for sure. Need to make a mental note to consume more h2o.
Get out of the funk. Get out of the funk. Get out of the funk, before it's too late.
Year end, so much to do. So much to do. But maybe, just maybe, it's all worth while, something to look forward to..
Langkawi in January? Because all good things begin in Langkawi.. ;D
Monday, December 10
A Rainbow In My Teacup
Vegas Skies - The Cab
- The above song was performed at prom last night, by a band whose name I cannot remember now. They were awesome nonetheless, and it's an amazing song, I loveeee it!
- "We are infinite" - The Perks of Being A Wallflower. Hmmm, I liked it, but I don't quite get it.
- Today, it occurred to me how as adults, people don't tell you what you are doing is wrong (or for that matter, if what you are doing is right). They let you make your own decisions. And as an adult, you are accountable for your own choices.
- Stinky feet because I didn't wear my mini stockings with my pumps today. -_-
- What do I want?
- I posted somewhere else today, "Some people I love to hate. Some I hate to love. And I think I know specifically who fits into which category."
- I am tired, but the happy kinda tired.
- Need to do some crunches and sit ups before bed, them abs (though never in existence to begin with) are seriously turning in some serious flabs. T__T
- I like people. Once upon a time not too long ago, I would've hated it if I wasn't liked in return. I still need a lot of attention nowadays, but now, it's okay if people don't like me back.
- Songs! One simple and sweet, another just never fails to make me sing along and smile...
Little Things - One Direction; It's no wonder they have so many fans!
I'm Yours - Jason Mraz; How can you not love this song?
It's gonna be Christmas soon!
Sunday, December 9
Could Do With A Nice Cup Of Latte Right Now
That's me being random.
Falling asleep at night has been easier as of late.
Falling asleep at night has been easier as of late.
Maybe I'll try a different dream tonight.
Take Your Time
But the fact is, how much time do you really have?
Hectic Sunday turned out not too hectic after all. Managed to nap in between the morning wedding, open day and prom. Pleasant lah all in all. =)
Thoughts though, are all over the place now. The who-how-when-why-what's in life.
It's probably a good thing. It probably is.
Hectic Sunday turned out not too hectic after all. Managed to nap in between the morning wedding, open day and prom. Pleasant lah all in all. =)
Thoughts though, are all over the place now. The who-how-when-why-what's in life.
Take Your Time - Cary Brothers
It's probably a good thing. It probably is.
Saturday, December 8
There's Always A Reason
Or not.
Either something is wrong with my lappie or the internet connection is really wonky. Keeps disconnecting me every 5 mins or so. And I have to re-start my comp each time.
There will be no end in comparisons. You just have to learn to be happy for what is, and not beat yourself up for what you hope is, but is not. Easy say, easy say.
Cold Saturday night, ice cream??
Speaking of fatty foods, McD brekkie, KFC zinger double down for late lunch and an Iced Latte.. Gosh what am I doing! Disaster in the making.
Slight change in plans, distant relative's wedding in the morning, Open Day and prom tomorrow. Sounds like a mega combo.
You'd think I have it all, and I do think I am blessed as it is. But for the lack of confidence, contrary to popular believe.. I do have my insecure moments, a lot and often enough.
And despite the semi melodramatic tone to this post, it's all good. Really! =)
Either something is wrong with my lappie or the internet connection is really wonky. Keeps disconnecting me every 5 mins or so. And I have to re-start my comp each time.
There will be no end in comparisons. You just have to learn to be happy for what is, and not beat yourself up for what you hope is, but is not. Easy say, easy say.
Cold Saturday night, ice cream??
Speaking of fatty foods, McD brekkie, KFC zinger double down for late lunch and an Iced Latte.. Gosh what am I doing! Disaster in the making.
Slight change in plans, distant relative's wedding in the morning, Open Day and prom tomorrow. Sounds like a mega combo.
You'd think I have it all, and I do think I am blessed as it is. But for the lack of confidence, contrary to popular believe.. I do have my insecure moments, a lot and often enough.
And despite the semi melodramatic tone to this post, it's all good. Really! =)
Thursday, December 6
Back To Being My Flighty Self
I don't deal well with decision making. Especially those that have lifelong consequences.
When I am serious about something, it's not a good sign. When I am not serious about something, it's also not a good sign.
*proceeds to tear rose petals*
I'll probably really stop now.
Tummy ache.. =(
When I am serious about something, it's not a good sign. When I am not serious about something, it's also not a good sign.
*proceeds to tear rose petals*
I'll probably really stop now.
Tummy ache.. =(
Wednesday, December 5
Haha, I Caved
So much for persistence and abstinence. Lousy max.
Today was a haywire day. If yesterday was ultra productive, today was the complete opposite. And it had to end with rain pouring so hard that we got all drenched.
It's okay though, always look at the bright side, hot chocolate seems like a good idea now.
Pumpkin soup craving! Weird as weird may be.
Today was a haywire day. If yesterday was ultra productive, today was the complete opposite. And it had to end with rain pouring so hard that we got all drenched.
It's okay though, always look at the bright side, hot chocolate seems like a good idea now.
Pumpkin soup craving! Weird as weird may be.
Tuesday, December 4
Miracles and the Opposite of It
1. Today, I learnt that a pony, is not a baby horse.
2. Of collecting compliments... On the record so far - pretty, athletic and petite.
3. I like it when I am the source for someone else's smile, or if I am the reason behind the smile. Makes me happy.
4. Space is a necessity; like how we need air to breathe, we need space to move. De-clutter!
5. It may not necessarily be a bad thing. It's not the same as giving up on hope, it's just letting hope run its course.
6. Looks like it's gonna be a cold candle light shower. Lights are out and so is the heater. Or maybe, I should just use the other bathroom. Smart girl.
7. Even if optimism is faked, it is better than actual pessimism.
8. Tomorrow evening (shall) be quality alone time. Unless something more tempting than spending time with myself crops up.
9. The danger in that is when the energy to pretend wears off, all that is left is reality.
10. And so, 4am emails happen.
2. Of collecting compliments... On the record so far - pretty, athletic and petite.
3. I like it when I am the source for someone else's smile, or if I am the reason behind the smile. Makes me happy.
4. Space is a necessity; like how we need air to breathe, we need space to move. De-clutter!
5. It may not necessarily be a bad thing. It's not the same as giving up on hope, it's just letting hope run its course.
6. Looks like it's gonna be a cold candle light shower. Lights are out and so is the heater. Or maybe, I should just use the other bathroom. Smart girl.
7. Even if optimism is faked, it is better than actual pessimism.
8. Tomorrow evening (shall) be quality alone time. Unless something more tempting than spending time with myself crops up.
9. The danger in that is when the energy to pretend wears off, all that is left is reality.
10. And so, 4am emails happen.
Monday, December 3
Sunday, December 2
Thoughts
Many of them. But most of them too personal to share, what I need is to sit down and think through things on my own.
For now anyway, listen to this!
For now anyway, listen to this!
Do You Hear What I Hear? - Carrie Underwood
Went for Tapestry's performance on Friday night, and this was probably my favorite song, could also be because this particular song was performed by one of my best-est friend ever, Betsy Yeo who sang so amazingly!
I really really like it, I like it so much I want to share it with the rest of the world.
Have a great Sunday everyone! =)
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